Glouester, England

Friends: Stonehenge is just one of many pre-historic clusters of rocks scattered over a vast area of the Salisbury Plain that have baffled researchers and crackpots for centuries seeking an explanation for their placement. The theories concerning Stonehenge run the gamut from being a place of worship to being a fast food outlet. People even think it was an ancient observatory predicting the rise and fall of the sun.

Part of the reason no satisfying explanation has been found is that most theorists concentrate their attention on Stonehenge alone, rather than looking at it as a piece, albeit a crucial one, of all the rocks in the area. They have also been unsuccessful in figuring it out since many of the rocks have disappeared, including more than half of those of Stonehenge, and many of those remaining have toppled or are no longer in their original position.

But studying a mural of what Stonehenge might have been in its original state, I immediately recognized it as a giant Shimano splined bottom bracket, the crux of the bicycle's pedaling mechanism.  After recognizing the bottom bracket, I scanned a map of the other rock formations in the area and discovered pedals, brakes and brake levers, derailleurs, a handlebar, a seat, all the components known to present day man, and also some unknown, necessary to assemble a bike.

Thirty miles away in Avebury, where I camped after my day at Stonehenge, is another World Heritage site some find more awesome than Stonehenge of several hundred rocks in a wide circle, proportionately the size of a bicycle wheel compared to the bottom bracket of Stonehenge. If one draws lines between some of the noteworthy rocks at sites scattered over this area, as one would do to form constellations from the stars, all variety of bikes can be fathomed--tricycles, men's frames, women's, tandems, mountain bikes, recumbents, and others.

It has been theorized that the stones were arranged by celestial beings of an intelligence beyond anything we can conceive, as primitive man had no possible means of transporting and positioning those huge rocks, some of which weigh as much as 55 tons.  Those beings clearly wished to revel to earthlings their salvation lay in the bicycle.  The placement of the rocks was many centuries before man had the technical expertise to fashion metal into a bicycle, so the design may not have been intended as a blueprint for building the bike, but rather a tribute to the bike that would at some point be recognized once it was invented centuries later.  It would come as a giant awakening to mankind that the bicycle was preordained and was something to be worshipped.  That day might have been yesterday and for some reason I was chosen to be the clairvoyant.  That may explain my near insatiable obsession for the bicycle.


Also mystifying all and sundry is that of the two types of rocks that comprise Stonehenge, one radiates an inexplicable heat. That could well be a warning that if man does not acknowledge the message of Stonehenge, that the bicycle is The Answer, not only to man's salvation, but the planet's as well, and should be revered as a holy object and an object of common, everyday use, the doom of perpetual heat, Hell, will be his fate.

 Someone from the dark side, opposed to the bicycle, must have perceived all this a century or so ago and tried to cover it up. The area around Stonehenge for miles is a military zone with limited access to the public with side roads prohibiting "civilian traffic" and signs warning of tank crossings and barracks here and there in the distance. The vested interests of the military-industrial complex and their ilk have long tried to suppress the bicycle and its simplicity,

sanity and independence, perhaps dating to that moment when someone on the wrong side perceived the message of Stonehenge.

The dismantling and destruction of Stonehenge no doubt was the work of agents of the oil and automobile industries, who are as militaristic as any, and others in league with Lucifer, the true commander of the operation, who has manipulated them all in his quest to turn Planet Earth into an inferno. All seems to be going to plan, as average temperatures continue to inch upwards and ice packs are melting everywhere. Mankind seems to be waking up to what's going on, though not to the full story. Only slowly does the world seem to be recognizing the value of the bicycle. There was a time when the bicycle was the rage, until it was supplanted by the automobile, bringing upon planet earth the dark age. Stonehenge and environs offer evidence that the bicycle is the key to man's and the planet's salvation. The world can be grateful that beings of a much higher intelligence than anything we can conceive have foreseen our history and have been looking out for us. The time has come to fully embrace their advice.

Now that I have solved this mystery I can turn to crop circles and the Loch Ness monster when I get further north. I have frequently been camping besides fields of wheat, so one of these nights I expect to see some circles being formed. If I can avoid the hectic A roads here and spend more time on the B and lesser roads, where my thought is free to dwell on matters other than consternation at the all too many automobiles, I could come up with some more answers. Its not always easy to avoid those A roads however. Stonehenge itself is at the elbow of two such roads with traffic so heavy there are plans to divert one of the roads and to put in a couple mile tunnel for the other to restore the sanctimony of this site.

Later, George